Having a toxic parent is soul crushing. Having toxic parents is soul destroying. Being an underage child with one or two toxic parent/s is soul burying. Because there’s not much you can do. Especially if you live in a place where child services are non existent. So what can you do in these circumstances? You can’t leave. You don’t want to stay. You dread every passing moment because every second gone makes you closer to seeing your parent/s. Who would either show up and be like the parent you day dream about. Or they would show up and be like the parent you have nightmares about.
So you go online to see if there are some good advices. From my experiences, my visits to Uncle Google haven’t been very great. Most of the advices that you see are about calling for child services (which don’t exist where I live), or they tell you to sit and talk to your parent (which is laughable), and on it goes.
Because every family is different. Every toxic parent will not show the exact same symptoms. And every child will not have the same solutions (if there are any). I’m not here to tell you how to deal with toxicity, I’m here to tell you how to live with it.
1) Find your aesthetic. Find something you enjoy doing. Find something you’re passionate about. And concentrate on it. Heal your pain through your passions. Do you want an example? I had to face my toxic father an hour ago. And after I had wiped my tears dry, I picked up my phone and logged into my blog, to write. Because writing eases my pain. And trust me when I say, your pain slides away. The slide may be slow, dull and rocky, but there is one. And it’s worth it. If your aesthetic is music, sketching, drawing, writing, creating, even bathing, GO FOR IT.
2) Make a plan. Surely you have plans of escaping one day, if not now. Look into your plan. If it’s going to college, look for universities, look into your programmes, research your options. If you’re planning to move cities or countries, research. Not only will you end up with a good plan, but looking for escape routes will calm your mind and satisfy your heart. You will get yourself out of this environment, in the right way.
3) Start doing things that will eventually help you in your escape. If thats studying hard for college, get your books and get to it. If thats earning money, get to your job, look for better jobs. Again, the satisfaction is worth it.
4) Focus on the positive. If you read my last post, you will know how I try to do this. Divert your mind to the positivity around you. And if you’re already thinking, ‘there is no positivity around me’, you are trained to be so negative that your mind refuses to even acknowledge the tiniest of positivities. Think. Look around you. You will find positivity and things to be grateful for. Things other people could only dream of having. You want an example? The internet.
5) Let it out. Do NOT bottle thoughts inside you. It will only create destruction. Talk. Let it out. Talk to a counsellor. If you don’t have one, talk to a friend. If you don’t have one, talk to a close family member. If you don’t have that, login to free apps to find support (7 cups for example). If you can’t even do that, reach out to me and I will get back to you.
I know it’s hard. You only have to remember that it will pass. Good times will come. Just make sure you’re there to see them.
Chaotic mess xx