Today I start another school year, my last school year. I never thought in a milion years that I would enter a new school year full of anxiety. My last year didn’t go too well, I’m going to have to re-take my exams in November, while making sure I balance out time for this year. Last year not only did I discover that I am not the confident person I’d like to be, but developed more and more insecurities about myself. Developing insecurities when you’re trying to be confident doesn’t really help. So between last August and this one, I let my grades fall, insecurities grow, stressed so much more, binge ate (while trying to lose weight) so much more. I’m going to let it out here, that I failed myself BIG time. Oh and the three friends I had moved away one by one. So now not only do I have to go back to the place I’m dreading, but go back there ALONE. With more insecurities and anxieties than I’ve ever had. Add in the fact that I have to stress about my future. Cherry on top.
I’m trying so so hard to focus on the positive, which has become my motto for quiet some time now. Atleast this year can’t be worse than last one, because that was the worst. Or maybe the fact that eventhough I have failed big time, I have discovered my weaknesses and my aim for this school year will be to overcome those weaknesses. Maybe I can come back to this post in about an year and see how far I’ve come. I really hope that that happens. I can’t bear going more downhill.
I’ve decided that maybe writing down my goals will help calm me and will help stay sane. So my goals for the following year will be:-
1) Study hard. Work hard. Remember, good things don’t come free.
2) Talk to more people. Juniors, teachers, classfellows.
3) Lose 30 pounds by the end of the year.
4) Make excercise a habit.
5) Give yourself some time. Pamper your skin, hair.
6) Start your second blog page.
7) Focus on the positive.
Eventhough I am screaming internally, I will put on a smile, push my fears to a side, and march with the best stride I can manage, in hopes that things will get better, and this time will pass. Because hope conquers fear.